


Comfortember 11: Board Game

by FlyinBanachab



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Twilight Imperium (Board Game)
Genre: Comedy, Game Night, Gen, Humor, Is this crack?, Swearing, all hail the ChaChaCha, it's definitely ridiculous, the venn diagram of people who share these interests is size one: me, yes they are playing twilight imperium
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27204266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyinBanachab/pseuds/FlyinBanachab
Summary: Hughes slammed a briefcase down on the conference room table with a wicked glint in his eye.Breda raised his eyebrows. "This game needs a whole suitcase?""You didn't read the rules, did you?" Hughes gave him an exasperated look as he popped the latches. Inside was a carefully packed mass of cards, counters, tiles, and colorful pewter spaceships.
Relationships: Maes Hughes & Rebecca Catalina, Maes Hughes & Team Mustang, Team Mustang & Rebecca Catalina
Kudos: 10
Collections: Comfortember 2020





	Comfortember 11: Board Game

**Author's Note:**

> This is a wildcard subsitute for day 11's prompt, PTSD.
> 
> I got to thinking, we know the guys play abstract strategy games (chess, shogi, cards). What would they be like playing an Ameritrash game? And then I got Twilight Imperium stuck in my head and that was the end of it. (Twilight Imperium is an extremely real board game. I could not make up a game this complicated if I tried... and I am a game designer.) This might just be the most niche thing I'll ever write. Sorry not sorry.

_11:03 AM_  
Hughes slammed a briefcase down on the conference room table with a wicked glint in his eye. Breda raised his eyebrows.

"This game needs a whole suitcase?"  


"You didn't read the rules, did you?" Hughes gave him an exasperated look as he popped the latches. Inside was a carefully packed mass of cards, counters, tiles, and colorful pewter spaceships.  


"Yeah about that. I was gonna, but it's the size of a goddamn novel and I had actual work to do."  


Hughes straightened up and crossed his arms. "No playing unless you've read the rules. That's the first rule."  


"You're kidding."

"Nope. Get started. If you're a fast reader you'll finish before I'm done with setup, though you might forfeit your choice of species."

"...my what."  


"Twilight Imperium is a game of galactic conquest!" Falman jumped in. "Each player is a different alien faction, with their own strengths and weaknesses. Your strategy should change depending on which species you play."

Breda, pretending not to be intrigued by this, picked up one of the instruction manuals and retreated to a corner. He grumbled, "Aliens. Sounds like a real thinkin man's game. Yessir, a real grownup game for grownups."  


Hughes started laying out a starfield of hexagonal tiles. "I figured we'd use one of the tutorial layouts, since there's so many new players."

Mustang began pulling stacks of cards from the suitcase and sorting them into piles; he's clearly played before. "I can't believe this is really how you want to spend your free day out east."

"Hey," Hughes gave him a sheepish smile. "You know how hard it is to get an eight-player game together! Plus, this way I don't have to feel guilty about asking Gracia to keep Elicia out of the way for a whole day."

At this, Hawkeye looked concerned. "Is this really a twelve-hour game?"

Hughes shrugged. "Can be. There's a lot going on, and a lot of players. It's faster," he added pointedly, "if everyone reads the rules first. Don't worry, we'll take breaks."

Rebecca Catalina leaned over Hughes' shoulder, pulled a piece out of the suitcase and holds it up for inspection. It's a pewter spaceship, painted yellow. "Wow, look at the guns on this thing. Nyyoooom pew pew pew!"

Hughes plucked it from her hand and returned it to the pile of yellow pieces. "Please do not separate the pieces."

Catalina pouted. "Riza said this would be FUN."  


"This will NOT if pieces go missing. Okay everyone-- time to pick your your faction." He handed a pile of dossiers to Mustang, who flipped directly to one, setting it in front of him and passing the rest. Hughes looked at him over the top of his glasses.

"The Embers of Muaat? Really?"

"What?" Mustang sounded defensive.  


"You know what."

Rebecca elbowed Falman, who she’d determined to be the non-Hughes person likeliest to give her answers. "What was that about?"

But Hughes answered first. "They're literally made of fire. A little on the nose, don't you think?"

Mustang scowled. "I want my war sun, dammit."  


Havoc chose next: "The Nekro Virus? Fuck yeah, that sounds badass!"  


"Are you sure? That's a pretty advanced play style..." Hughes cautions.  


"E-vil ro-bots, e-vil ro-bots!" Havoc chants.  


"Fine, have fun. Fuery?"   


"Uh, I think I'll take the Arborec."  


"Oh, space fungus? Interesting choice. Falman?"  


"The universities of Jol-Nar."  


"Oh good, someone's playing the nerds. Can't wait to see how your tech stacks against Roy's war suns. Hawkeye?"  


"Hmm..." She flipped through the remaining choices. "The Federation of Sol."  


Havoc is aghast. "All these cool aliens and you pick _human_? Booooring."

"Hey, let the lady play who she wants. Sol's a great choice. Catalina?"

Catalina held a dossier in the air labeled Xxcha. "The ChaChaCha!"

Hughes scowled. "It's pronounced "Shhhcha."  


"The reverend ambassador of the ChaChaCha respectfully disagrees, and would appreciate it if you'd take the time to learn their name."

"You're going to be like this all day, aren't you."  


"Obviously!"   


Hughes sighed and pulled a dossier for himself. "I'll be the L1Z1X Mindset. Slightly less evil robots. Breda? You're done with time out, come pick your faction." There weren't many left.  


"Mentak," he announced with a smirk. Hughes groaned.  


"You would."  


Catalina elbowed Falman again. "What's wrong with Mentak?" She stage whispered.  


"The Mentak Coalition are space pirates. They steal trade goods from other players."  


Catalina considered this for a moment, then batted her eyelashes at Breda. "You won't steal from ME though, right? We are but simple space turtles."  


Breda just looked at her. “Never,” he deadpanned.  


"Alright alright, everyone find your home worlds on the board and take your seat accordingly. Pick a color and get all your pieces..."

 _2:42 PM_  
Hughes dropped a token onto Mustang's home world. Gasps and whoops erupted from around the room.  


"Ohhh shit, it's happening!" Havoc howled.  


Hughes glared daggers at Mustang. "Yeah, it's happening." He began moving his ships onto Mustang’s tile from all over the board. There wasn't enough room on it, seeing as how it was already overflowing with Mustang's ships--though, notably, crucially, not a war sun-- so Hughes lined them up on the bare wood of the table, each one very deliberately pointing its guns toward Muaat. Mustang jumped to his feet, angrily snatching dice off the table. Hughes stood to match. The rest of the table scrambled to their feet and gathered in behind them to see how the rolls would land.

"Space cannons," Mustang growled, flinging dice onto the table.  
  
_4:12 PM_  
Havoc deliberated over which strategy card to pick.

"Mustang's going for Mecatol," Breda growled. "We gotta stop him."

"What? I'm not stupid," Mustang protested. "Look, you're all within range. No way you'd let me keep it. Not worth trying. I'm just sitting NEAR Mecatol for a little bit, for a different objective."

"Bullshit. Everyone knows that's bullshit, right? You can see it in his eyes."

"I'm not, I swear!"

Havoc looked back and forth between them and picked up Warfare, passing the pile of open options to Hawkeye.

Breda crossed his arms. "Then you won't mind if I take Imperial this round."

"Wh-what?" Mustang looked around the table, pleading his case. "This is a setup! He just wants to claim two objectives this round! Look, he's already ahead a point, we can't let him gain a lead like that."

Hawkeye, the barest ghost of a smile on her face, quietly placed the Imperial card in front of her and passed the remainder to Falman. Mustang and Breda both gasped.

"Hawkeye, no!" Mustang pleaded.

"Yeaaaah, get em Riza!" Catalina cheered. "All hail the queen!"  
  
_6:35 PM_  
"Come on Fuery. What'll it take for you to vote for me?" Hughes asked. "Here. A promissory note-- a victory point in exchange for your influence."

"That would definitely decide the vote," Falman said, quickly doing the math in his head.

Catalina leaned in on an elbow, causing the v-neck of her blouse to puddle in a very interesting way. "Hey, I'll give you a promissory note AND 3 trade goods if you vote for me."

Fuery looked from Catalina to Hughes, unimpressed. "There's still another agenda after this," he said, adjusting his glasses. “Why should I spend all my influence now?”

"Don't give it to Hughes," Breda groaned. "He doesn't need an advantage."

"What are you talking about, I only have six points!"  


"Uh huh, and I intend to keep it that way. Fuery, vote for Catalina and I won't steal from you, rest of the game."  


"Give it to Becca and she's going to destroy me next turn," Havoc pleaded.  


Fuery turned to Havoc and gave him a slow smirk. "What's it worth to you?"  
  
_8:49 PM_  
Time to score the round. Breda, Mustang, and Falman all had 8 points; Hughes and Fuery had 7; Catalina had 6; Riza and Havoc trailed at 5. This could be the end of the game; first person to ten won, and it was technically possible to score 3 points right now. The room held its collective breath as Hughes proctored the scoring in its appointed order.

"Havoc?"  


"Yeah, I can spend the resources," he said, doing so, gaining one point.  


"Any secret objectives?"  


"I wish."  


Hughes moved on. "Catalina?"  


She nodded, a tense smile on her face. "I'm spending my tokens for 2 points."  


"Secrets?"  


She flipped over a card with a smile. "Yes."  


"Fuck," Mustang said. Suddenly Catalina was in the lead, one point from victory. Of course, she couldn't possibly win for another round.

"Falman?"  


All eyes were on him. This could be it. They could see he didn't have enough resources, tokens, or influence to claim any of the open two-point objectives, but what was in his stack of secret objectives?

"Yes, I control 3 planets with technology specialties."  


"What?" Hughes was surprised, looking at the starfield. "Oh, sure as shit. How'd we let that happen?" That was only worth one point though; now he and Catalina were tied at nine.  


"Any secret objectives?"  


Falman wordlessly turned over a card.  


The room burst into a mix of curses and cheers. Mustang pushed back from the table hard enough to knock his chair over.  


"Dammit! I had the points!" Breda groused, throwing his secret objectives onto the table.  


"Good game, Falman," Hawkeye congratulated him.

"Yeah," Hughes grudgingly agreed, "Well played. This was really close though, look at that board." He then pulled a sheet of paper from the depths of the suitcase: a record of dates, players, and final scores. "Anybody got a pen?"

The players began sorting the mass of cards, tokens, and pieces back into their starting piles. Some hands were still shaky with adrenaline.  


"Thanks for bringing this!" Fuery said. "It was a lot of fun."

Hughes grinned. "Yeah, it was. Same time next year?"  



End file.
